We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
