I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
