Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
