with your own penis?
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
