I CAN MOONWALK!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
