On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
