It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
As shirtless as possible
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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