I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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