dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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