so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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