Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
