Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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