are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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