We're like a lot better than the average bears
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
