I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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