Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
