She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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