I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
