I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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