you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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