I want to walk on stilts...naked
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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