I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
