her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
