so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
