I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Im part way to drunk.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
