I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
