New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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