I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
