I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize