I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Boobs are out for the taking
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
