Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
