So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
