My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
3 2 1 whiskey
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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