So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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