Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
