Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize