You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
