Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
