I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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