It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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