I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
