thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
