I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
