OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
