I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
