we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
