I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
