i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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