Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
