Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
