is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
