The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
