What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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