So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
