So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
