wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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