Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
