WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
