Will you blow on my dice?
I smell stomach acid.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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