he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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