puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
