Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
