The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
