PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize