I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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