When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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