Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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