so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize