We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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