If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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