i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
