mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
