just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
