well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
