hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
50% drunk capacity currently
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
