For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
