I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
