I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
