Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
