She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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