this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
