at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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