Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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