She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
