"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The cops high fived after they tackled you
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
