Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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