Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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