I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
