she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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