The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
