shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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