You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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