Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
