i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
