Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize