Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
