God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
