I think I won the penis lottery.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I would fuck him just for his dog
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize