Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
