I got chris browned last night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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