If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
