oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
