He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
