wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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